Noticing you noticing me

He wonders, “why do I even go clubbing?”

It’s not as if I’m gonna get fresh with gals (not that I can’t, but I’m just not that kinda person). And then there’s the meaningless shaking about. You notice it especially when you’re sober.

I felt very alone. Not knowing anyone around me. I met some friends there, but there’s no one you can actually talk to. Either they’re drunk or they surrounded with hot blooded male bodies (I call them bodies cuz I feel that they are souless).

Now, I’m sounding arrogant. But it’s so true. Next time I’m there, I’m gonna be drinking and drinking till I’m so drunk that I don’t notice anything. Good idea yes?

He’s at home right before the storm and he feels safe and warm and comforted and no longer alone. (:

I can’t bring myself to say it

Well, I’m posted to some place where average people is posted to. And please take into consideration that I was in the enhanced/leadership batch of recruits. Have fun guessing.’

Can’t bitch anymore. Bad for me. Bad for me friends too. Bye

Can you tell me?

I haven’t got the slightest idea what to do now. I mean, do I apply for college? Or should I just retake the exams next year? But I should at least try to apply this year right? And if so, should I also try the discretionary admission thing?

Gosh. Too many questions to be answered and none of them are familliar to me. I’m starting to hesitate about what course I should take up if I were to choose to apply now. But then again, my results won’t get me anywhere. And I were to try the discretionary thing, my appraisals better be fucking fantastic.

Argh. I cannot stand myself any longer.

Ever since POP, I’ve been partying then sleeping then chilling out then sleeping then partying again. Non-stop. It’s taking a toll on my body and I can feel it. But I don’t wanna stop you know. I just wanna enjoy myself before I head into hell again. I’m really hoping Monday wouldn’t come. RAH. I feel like killing myself. I hate it. Life is really sucky for me right now.

Bye, I need a drink.

Depressing

It’s been really tough lately. Not just physically but mentally as well. I think my old ailment is coming back to haunt me.

Possibly due to all the s***ing. But I really don’t care know. You know, it’s so hard to live by people’s judgementand rules. And I can’t exactly live by my own rules now since I’m not a civillian anymore. How sad is that.

I’m really excited to get to know where I’d be posted to next this friday. But not that hyped about having to report to a new camp, meeting new mates and all the rank crap. I just wanna be myself you know. My occasional mood swings are a lot more often inside camp. And I’m really tired to have to hide it because I hate to hide my feelings.

Anyway, I don’t want this to be emo post like what teenagers do. I’m a young adult now. I should probably be mature about stuff like these and move on. Yeap. That’s what I’m gonna do. Move on and stop thinking about it.

Bye