1st day in Air Force

It wasn’t that heavenly as I thought it would be. AOP was crap. Seriously. And having flu just makes it a lot worse. Sitting in the classroom for what seemed like a zillion years and listening to warrant officers give lectures was a torture. But it’s still better than doing something combat or physical.

I’m officially in the Air Force! Ain’t that cool? And I’m posted to Sembawang Air Base as of next week as a Air Crew Specialist (trainee). 8-5 job, from Monday to Friday bringing just extra clothing, writing materials and toiletries. How cool’s that?!!!!

But I’m guessing that’s for a short period only cause that’s probably the theory course. And the cutting rate of trainees is quite high! If I’m out, I’m going back to SISPEC for ASLC. How sad is that? I’m gonna make sure I make everything work and be one of the top trainees, if not, I’m back to field camp, SOC, blah blah blah…

Ok. Bye

The inconvinient truth

Extracts from a book that I’m currently reading:

“From where I sit, all Religion and Spiritual Thought are the same thing. They exist to make People feel better about living, to give them some kind of moral code, and to help them feel better about dying by promising something better when their life ends, provided they follow all of God’s Rules.”

“Faith is the belief of something that can’t be proven to exist.”

“I think God is something that People use to avoid reality. I think faith allows People to reject what is right in front of our eyes, which is that this thing, this life, this existence, this consciousness, or whatever word you want to use it for it, is all we have and all we’ll ever have. I think People have faith because they want and need to believe in something, whatever that something is, because life can be hard and depressing and brutal if you don’t.”

My exact thoughts  on Higher Powers and Religion. Of course I do have a lot more reasons why I do not believe. I’m in denial as some believers would say.

Read and think about it. Very interesting ain’t it? It’s a very sensitive topic which I happen to beinterested in. I’m not trying to diss any Religion or God, so please do not feel offended. Read with an open mind and you might or might not find truth in it – depending on whether you are willing or unwilling to think accept it. (:

Noticing you noticing me

He wonders, “why do I even go clubbing?”

It’s not as if I’m gonna get fresh with gals (not that I can’t, but I’m just not that kinda person). And then there’s the meaningless shaking about. You notice it especially when you’re sober.

I felt very alone. Not knowing anyone around me. I met some friends there, but there’s no one you can actually talk to. Either they’re drunk or they surrounded with hot blooded male bodies (I call them bodies cuz I feel that they are souless).

Now, I’m sounding arrogant. But it’s so true. Next time I’m there, I’m gonna be drinking and drinking till I’m so drunk that I don’t notice anything. Good idea yes?

He’s at home right before the storm and he feels safe and warm and comforted and no longer alone. (:

I can’t bring myself to say it

Well, I’m posted to some place where average people is posted to. And please take into consideration that I was in the enhanced/leadership batch of recruits. Have fun guessing.’

Can’t bitch anymore. Bad for me. Bad for me friends too. Bye

Can you tell me?

I haven’t got the slightest idea what to do now. I mean, do I apply for college? Or should I just retake the exams next year? But I should at least try to apply this year right? And if so, should I also try the discretionary admission thing?

Gosh. Too many questions to be answered and none of them are familliar to me. I’m starting to hesitate about what course I should take up if I were to choose to apply now. But then again, my results won’t get me anywhere. And I were to try the discretionary thing, my appraisals better be fucking fantastic.

Argh. I cannot stand myself any longer.

Ever since POP, I’ve been partying then sleeping then chilling out then sleeping then partying again. Non-stop. It’s taking a toll on my body and I can feel it. But I don’t wanna stop you know. I just wanna enjoy myself before I head into hell again. I’m really hoping Monday wouldn’t come. RAH. I feel like killing myself. I hate it. Life is really sucky for me right now.

Bye, I need a drink.

Depressing

It’s been really tough lately. Not just physically but mentally as well. I think my old ailment is coming back to haunt me.

Possibly due to all the s***ing. But I really don’t care know. You know, it’s so hard to live by people’s judgementand rules. And I can’t exactly live by my own rules now since I’m not a civillian anymore. How sad is that.

I’m really excited to get to know where I’d be posted to next this friday. But not that hyped about having to report to a new camp, meeting new mates and all the rank crap. I just wanna be myself you know. My occasional mood swings are a lot more often inside camp. And I’m really tired to have to hide it because I hate to hide my feelings.

Anyway, I don’t want this to be emo post like what teenagers do. I’m a young adult now. I should probably be mature about stuff like these and move on. Yeap. That’s what I’m gonna do. Move on and stop thinking about it.

Bye

DARN

After being through all the out field stuff, I’m pretty sure I’ll start enjoying army life for a little bit.

Being in the jungle and shit is no joke man. Dust, soil, insects, wild boars and fuck loads of sun make a man go crazy and appreciate little things like washing hands. Call me a faggot or whatever shit, I don’t really care. I just want to have a comfortable life. No more route marches, no more enduring shit in the sun in long sleeves and and and no more being treated like a dog.

Seriously, I don’t think I’m a soldier. I will never become one anyway. I don’t think like one and I don’t act like one. So just spare me the agony and let me carry on with my life. I’m pretty sure I can provide more for the society if I do voluntary work or maybe just normal work like everyone else.

ARGH. I’m blabbering nonsense. Every guy have to do it. RAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I’m getting confined this weekend anyway. Valentine. DARN DARN DARN. It’s freaking rush tomorrow having to report at 7AM. FUCK.

But at least I’m home now to wash my dirty soiled (literally) clothings. Phew. I’m so glad to be home. I’m gonna take a nice long shower and sleep in a proper bed.

WHEEEEE! Field camp and situation test is over. It’s gonna be much more easier to go through BMT now. 1st half done, next half to go.

Question now is, “Should I be a commander, eg. sergeant, offier, or should I just be a man (normal low ranking soldier) ?”

Bye

Feeling Strange

The 2 weeks confinement of NS seemed like a really horrible dream to me, now that I’m back home, feeling comfortable and snuggly.

It’s not all true NS is somewhere you can turn off your brain. Many tactful phrases to think of and secret bitching to carry out. Very exciting is an understatement. Maybe it’s just me, overthinking everything as usual.

Physical-wise, I’m still able to take it. But mentally, it’s killing me man. All the crude words that they speak is a whole new language. And the not being able to sleep in lectures is serisouly making me go crazy. And and and having to tell yourself that you can do it when you know you obviously don’t want to is really irritating. I want to get back into my comfortable, urban, technology-filled life out here in mainland Singapore. RAH!

And oh! I got the window bed. The first bed in fact. I’m my section’s in-charge. Ain’t it cool? My bunk has 12 other people. Most chinese and 2 malays. All are fine people, so I’m happy (for now). (:

Reunion dinner now. Bye.

Pray for me. Miss me. Text me.

I’m all grown up aren’t I?

Enlisting in 11hours. Lying on my bed the very last time as a civillian until I’m done with the two years of NS.

Pretty exciting if you think about it. Knowing a whole bunch of new friends, going on field camps, learning how to fire a gun, yaddi yadah…

But I can’t imagine myself bunkingnin with 11 other people in a room. Gosh! Wish me well and pray for me ok! I want an awesome bed near the windows.

Adieu world. I’ll be back. (: